The Timothy Group

Please and Thank You:

How (and How Not) To Write a Year-End Appeal Letter

It's late. You're beat. But everyone has left the office so its quiet. You were supposed to have the copy written for the year-end appeal letter long ago. It should have been in the mail already. So here goes even though you don't feel like writing. An idea comes to you: "Where is the file with last year's letter? I’ll just change the date and I'm out of here, right?" You know the answer is NO!

But how do you go about writing a year-end letter that is going to produce results? Here are a few ideas to help.

The first decision to make is who is going to get the letter. Everyone on the mailing list, right? Wrong again. As you think about your total mailing list, names will fall into categories. Some have given a gift recently. Others are major donors who need to be seen personally and should not be "nickled and dimed" with a year-end letter. Some haven't given for years. Some have never given, but you are ever hopeful. Some are staff, or board, or volunteers, or pastors of constituent churches. Deciding which one (or two) of these groups you are writing to will help you write a better letter. After all you cannot combine all these messages in one letter: give, give again, give more than last year, give already, give big, you don't really have to give-I'm just too tired to stop this letter from coming to you. The group you are writing to needs to be defined in an annual financial development plan that schedules appropriate strategies for every donor segment. You have an annual financial development plan, right?

The next decision to make is how does the content of the letter fit in the context of the whole package. Usually a year-end mail appeal package consists of an outside envelope, a letter, perhaps a brochure, a reply device and a return envelope. Let's look at each one in turn.

The outside envelope is very important. When your donor opens the mail, your envelope has about 1 second to motivate the donor to either open it or throw it away. Do you put your return address on the front, or keep it a mystery? Do you print the address on the envelope, put a label on, or use a window envelope? Is the envelope your regular business envelope or is it a special size and paper stock? Is the postage an actual (non-profit, bulk rate) stamp, a postage meter imprint or a pre-printed bulk mailing permit? Do you use teaser copy on the outside of the envelope to intrigue the reader as to what is inside? I suggest you print the address, use live postage and identify yourself in the return address area. Use teaser copy too such as: "Holiday Greetings!", or "Have you heard?", or "Open before December 25".

If you are going to use a brochure your letter doesn't have to carry the whole message. But make sure the brochure is designed to tell the story of the use(s) you plan to make of year-end gifts. Don't just include your image PR brochure. If you throw in something just because you have it, the whole package is like to be thrown too...out.

So what about the letter? Date the letter at least with month and year, but probably not day, since the delivery date may vary. Can you get an inside address and salutation on the letter or are you still in the "Dear Friend" era? If you can't, just skip the inside address and salutation and start with the first line of the letter. Remember, the first sentence of the letter has to interest the reader to continue reading. So a phrase such as "It's that time of year again" probably won't do. Resist the temptation to have the letter serve two or three or more purposes . For example don't attempt to send an appeal, enclose your newsletter, distribute your winter-spring program brochure and announce the annual meeting all in one letter.

If you write best from an outline, prepare an outline first of the ideas you want to communicate. When you are writing, envision one actual person in your mind who would be a typical recipient of the letter. Write to that person. Don't write to a group or multiple groups. Don't use a phrase like "If everyone who gets this letter..." Plan to keep the letter to one page, and don't write so many words that the page looks too imposing to read. Keep paragraphs to 2-3 sentences. Assuming you are going to ask for a gift for "camperships" describe a camper who needs the help of the campership. Tell why the family cannot afford the normal fee. Explain what it will be like if the camper cannot come to camp next year. Then ask. Ask for specific amounts . If your system is highly capable you can put in a different amount for each letter. If not ask in the amount of one or multiple camperships. Ask for amounts that are at least 20% above the giving level of the individual or group last year. The letter should be signed by the camp director, since that it probably the most known person. And use a Post Script. Repeat the appeal in the PS, and add the urgency of replying by a certain date. After you have written the copy, put it away for a few days and then review it. You’ll have a fresher perspective than right after writing it for the first time. Read it as if you were receiving it in the mail and it was coming from another organization. Would it make you want to send in a gift? If not, it probably won't make donors want to either. Have someone else read it. They may be more objective than you can be.

What about the reply device. It needs to identify the donor. It should restate the appeal in case it is the only thing the donor saves from the package to put with the other "bills". If you used a label, to show through the window of the outside envelope, affix the label to the reply device. You can make the inside of the flap of the reply envelope the reply device. That way there is only one item the donor needs to send in the gift.

The reply envelope should be a Business Reply envelope, which requires a separate permit and requires extra postage, but most donors are used to and appreciate the fact that they do not have to find a stamp. At the very least you should use a courtesy reply envelope which has your address printed on it. Don't make the donor look up and write out your address. It might be just too much work, that might put your envelope down to the bottom of the pile, where the donor will never get back to it.

Once your letter is in the mail, don't forget about it until next year. Track the results so that in February you can prepare a report showing at least: how many gifts came in, what the total amount was, what the average gift was, how much you spent compared to how much you raised. If you did this for last year's letter and it didn't have the response you wanted, you don't just want to put a new date on it and run it again.

And finally a suggestion. Save the best and the worst year-end appeal letter you receive this year. Put them, and your letter from this year, in the file to refer to next year as you begin to think about your year end letter.